I don’t believe it is possible to express in words all the gifts the 9-monthy travel of last year, the biggest travel of my life gave me.
One of the most important gifts was definitely acceptance, with all the meanings of this word. To not feel ashamed of accepting if someone wants to give me something. And also to accept whatever life is bringing to me. This latter one of course is best practiced with the aim of reaching back to the wisdom, the prayer of Saint Francis:
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Another great gift was one of the first Hindi expressions I learnt. I remember when my friend was noting it down in my diary, as a farewell message for my first travel to the Himalayas. The expression is: Sab kuch milega. It means “You will get everything you want” or simply “Everything is possible”.
Somehow the mixture of acceptance and sab kuch milega growing deeper and deeper roots into my everydays was leading me to a new way to look at life, the point of which is that whatever life is bringing to me, I can always see that there are at least as many opportunities as many difficulties seem to come up first. It is all about creativity and flexibility. Whether I am able to let go how I imagined this situation previously. Whether I can look at life in a way that instead of expectations I am looking for a way to make use of the opportunities offered by life.
In the meantime situations kept following each other, showing me again and again how unreasonable my fears are (whether it was about financial security or about that in my thoughts I was producing scenarios worthy for a good crime story about how the man appearing in my life could abuse me). And life was also showing that although I have fears, they don’t need to limit me. Fear is coming, makes me shaking for a moment and if it is stronger it is stirring my stomach up in a second, but after a few seconds, instead of letting fear growing above me I just look at it, trying to think of it from a different point of view and after a few deep breaths I can see how my body really feels about it: what is the right decision in this situation if I am not only driven by fear. And I make the decision. And act.
I feel I needed all of these lessons to make the biggest decision of my life. It all started in India, on the very last day of my 9-month journey. When the Universe was brining to me a really handsome and really friendly gentleman, to whom it was not difficult to say yes when he offered to share a hotel room and discover the Tibetan district of Delhi together while we don’t even try to resist the temptation of earthly pleasures. Well, these pleasures were peaking on the rooftop of the hotel, where we were first dancing, then staring at the stars….and finally made love under the stars. The morning after I was leaving for Hungary, where after a few weeks I learnt that I was pregnant. At this point I had no idea how this gentleman sweetening my last day will receive the news but to discover what is the right decision for me didn’t take a second. If I put the limits of my fears aside, it is no question that I would love to take this beautiful gift the Universe gave me. I bow my head before the great power of life. I am becoming a Mother <3