I feel like sharing some of my psychedelic experiences from the days spent in the beautiful valley devoted to Matta Parvati. Of course I wouldn’t like to encourage anyone to use any psychedelic substances. But well….sometimes life is bringing something to us to which we feel right to say yes. And I believe the point is to be always aware of what we are doing and be open to enjoy and learn from these experiences at the same time. And of course, always remember to respect our body.
So… what happens if after a two-day festival in Parvati Valley you decide to chill at your friends’ guesthouse where the garden is (like everywhere in the Himalayas) full of marijuana plants, the season of which is just starting. Some people disappear in the garden, start rubbing and after some time fresh and delicious organic ganja tea (or bhang lassi) is served. Well… This was the opportunity offered by life when I was not thinking much to say yes.
After I started to sip my tea, a thought was crossing my mind that I should use my raising creativity and open mind for some writing. Started to look for my bag. Didn’t find it. Went to my room to check. Didn’t find… There were only friends in the guesthouse so I knew I shouldn’t worry about my bag but still, I had everything there. My passport, my debit card, my laptop. The tea just started to work. A wave of paranoia started to take over my body because of my bag but luckily I was able to observe myself while this overwhelming fear was coming.
And right at the same time, my body started to become so open to the music from downstairs and ….. sexual energies started to fill my body. I suddenly recalled my first meeting with the bhang lassi back in Rajahstan. When I had the craziest sexual experience, after all my senses got opened by the special lassi, followed by some mild hallucinations and such an intense feeling of oneness… As I got aware of these energies, one thought got stick in my mind: that probably all the others feel the same, cc 15 guys and 2-3 girls… and the paranoiac mind started to make up a whole conspiracy theory about how the guys had some hidden intention with serving that huge amount of ganja tea, knowing how it will raise the sexual energies and open the senses, hoping that they may take advantage. These paranoia started to concur my mind and body.
But meantime I was also able to observe it from a different perspective. I felt that it is probably not the most wise decision to go downstairs to all of these guys while my body is almost visibly vibrating under the strongly awakening sexual energies. But I always have the chance to move. So I started to move with it. Move with everything I felt. Dance to strengthen my connection to the ground, to smooth my feet shaking from fears and then to raise the tons of energies accumulating in my second chakra up to my heart, inviting the air to my movements and opening my heart rather than anything else.
While getting deeper and deeper into dancing, once I had a beautiful experience. While focusing on my feet and all the power in my legs, I felt and visualized that those are not only my legs stomping on the floor. I had all the legs of so many people. People who became a part of my tribe, while travelling in life, in Hungary, Portugal and India. People with whom I got into any kind of connection, and gave me something to take away with me, supporting me in the background, wherever I am around the world.
Phases of beautiful moments going into total ecstatic joy in dancing, melting into those beautiful energies and phases of so deep fear were changing. At one point also something else appeared. I felt like hearing sounds of appreciation from downstairs. Appreciation of my movement. But I was alone in my room. First I felt like it is my Ego who needs so much positive feedback when dancing, while at most of my dances I spend a lot of time fighting to switch off my Ego.
After a while I got suspicious that maybe the voices are not made up by my mind. And yeah, as much as I remember, as I was dissolving into the experiences, I started to communicate with the others around. I still don’t know how they could see me or whether thy really saw me. At that time another wave of paranoiac fear was coming to me, with the assumption that they may somehow see everything what happens in that room. Fear, anger and ecstatic happiness from dancing were following each other so quickly.
At one point I felt ready to go down and was also so thirsty. But by that time the stairs separating me from everyone else seemed like an uncrossable border. I stepped on top of the stairs. I saw some people downstairs but was unable to say a word. Was just moving. Then my attention was grabbed by the mountains in front of me. First I got a very strong feeling that I know this place. That I have been already on that mountain in front of me. I haven’t been. But I had such a strong feeling of being home. Then I started to visualize a city, like an old civilization on those slopes covered by rocks and trees. Rocks turning into ancient buildings, trees turning into men living their everyday life. Nature appearing as this ancient civilization and back to untouched nature again. Then I just burst into laughing. Afterthat I felt all the friends downstairs closer and they became a part of my visualizations. I saw a whole community of different animals living in the forest in perfect harmony, all the friends represented by a different animal. Was beautiful.
By this time, after dancing so much and my whole body overtaken by the special tea, I started to tun out of energy. Body shaking with weakness. I slowly accepted that I am unable to go down. Went back to my room. And another wave started. Whenever I closed my eyes and stopped moving I felt like falling down. Just falling and falling. Without reaching a bottom. Sometimes it was too heavy to bear, so I just started to move. And started to think of what is the message of this sense of falling down. While the fall can only be stopped by moving.
After some time I just fell on the bed and slept off.
What is the teaching of this experience? I am not sure. The power of movement and nature for sure. And the realization of how unrealistic our fears are. And how unnecessary it is to make up assumptions about others. I still don’t know how much I was seen, and how. But I don’t even care. It is still my responsibility to take care of myself. And I am grateful for being able to coming out from those paranoiac fears. It gives me a sense of power. To connect to myself. Maybe this is the biggest teaching. Appreciating and practicing the ability to observe myself in any situations, no matter how heavy emotions are coming, how dark that moment seems. And at the same time, getting ready again and again just to dissolve in the moment and enjoy.