I have been longing for writing about the miracles of being pregnant for such a long time. About how it feels to discover how nature is doing its blessed work on my body, about the power of community I feel in motherhood, the things this beautiful role has been bringing to my life already, all the beautiful or just interesting faces of world have been revealed to me. About the gift of being able to live so extreme emotions from moment to moment.
I will start with the firt miracle: how nature with all its endless wisdom is doing its work from day to day, preparing my body for providing a protective, nurturing home to the little life growing inside and bringing it to life.
The first change I felt was that my breast started to grow and only after that my belly started to grow, slowly slowly. I started to feel the first tiny moves of the little soul inside already before anyone could have seen that I am pregnant.
A friend of mine was describing this sensation in the best way: I dont’t remember the exact words but there was a pussy cat and a light blow, a huff… and well, it felt like a pussy cat would have been giving a very light blow to my belly from the inside. 🙂 And the the moves started to become stronger slowly slowly…
And the belly was growing, and altough the extra kilograms of eating in every third hour even at night were scattering on my tall, slim body in a very advantegous way, my thighs started to grow, just as my butts. I remember the first time I was a bit concerned when looking into the mirror. And then, as the belly kept growing, something changed. Maybe, because next to the growing belly everything seems to be slim. Maybe because I finally started to discover it on my own body that beauty has 1000 faces.
It started a few months before that I often felt some pain in the bottom of my back. It was a not a strong pain, which could be cured quite well with regular yoga practice. And I soon realized that since it was in a very early phase of pregannancy, the reason behind was not the weight of my baby on my spine… It must have been my pelvis starting to open. My body started to prepare for the delivery of the tiny life inside months before giving birth.. This is a miracle. <3
It could have been arond this time that I discovered that my yoni is growing muscles as my womb is getting heavier. This phenomena is followed by my senses being more sharp then ever before and it works like a kind of storage, storing all the pleasure I felt, for hours and hours. Another miracle <3
Would be a lie to say that all the miracles are related to pleasure, but they are still miracles…. My vesica needs to be emptied more and more often and in certain cases it is difficult to controll it but the pleasures are still bigger.
The growing quantity of my blood is a challenge to my vascular system and on my right leg the superficial varicose veins are drawing bigger and bigger patterns but if I think of that it is all because my body is providing sufficient blood for another human being inside… another human being, whose heart is beating twice as quick as mine and whenever I hear this quick heartbeat I shed some tear drops…. I don’t mind the purple rose patterns appearing on my legs.. They will disappear when the time comes or I will help wthem to disappear.
It has been a few days ago that I first experienced how it feels (first in my life) when I have peripheral edema of the legs. As my feet (which are not small anywayI were swollen and the long feet ending in slim fingers were losing all of their delicacy, I started to worry. Even if apart from the feeling caused by the view of the swollen leg I didn’t feel anything special. And then I started to read about it, first I rad the warning that I should not let my legs hang an than the information that in the background of this sympthom is that my body is storing extra water in the tissues to provide the baby with enough water.. Well, I feel gratitude for this. And also gratitude for that the day after I decided to sit on the ground instead of sitting in a sofa. As I was sitting cross legged or in yoni asana, I didn’t experience any of these sympthoms.
Well..more and more of my body parts growing, a part of which I love and a part of which teach me acceptance but all in all… I feel I have never loved my body as much as now.
This was one of the reasons, for which I wanted to ask someone to take a few photos about my “blessed” body. A professional photographer was not an option because I really don’t have money for this now. I still asked a remote friend who is aphootgrapher to take a few shots for some services in exchange (Indian cooking, maybe translation or dancing) but when we started to bargain about the remuneration, at one point I started to feel bad energies and I felt that even if we could make a deal with some pálinka (Hungarian fruit brandy) from my parents, after all the bargains we had I could not stand in front of the camera with a good feeling inside. Thanks God it happened like this.
Because this is how I ended up asking a friend of mine to take a few photos of my belly, and she was so happy to help. She was so happy and willing to help that one day she suggested to see the sunrise together in a small green plot of the capital and take some photos there. U just caught the last red rays of sun, we started a nice talk, tasted the most beautiful yoghurt with red fruits ever, she was playing the drums and singing all around my body and provided such a loveful environment to take off my clothes in front of the camera that after I didn’t want to put on clothes any more. 🙂
Most of the photos are to intimate for me to publish but there are a few which I am happy to share, between these lines 🙂